Seriously, Cross the Streams?

"CNN-Scientists at the Large Hadron Collider managed to make two proton beams collide at high energy Tuesday, marking a "new territory" in physics, according to CERN, the European Organization for Nuclear Research."

Ok, has anybody in Europe seen Ghostbusters? Crossing the streams is BAD. Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light. Anyone who has seen ghostbusters knows we're referring to total protonic reversal here.

On the other hand, at least the Eurpeans have their sports figured out, cycling and soccer as opposed to our 3 hour "games" consisting of overweight guys standing around on a dirt diamond while simultaneously consuming tobacco products, seeds and high fructose corn syrup based drinks.

I digress. I assumed it was common knowledge that anytime a nuclear accelerator or positron collider crossed streams with another, mass hysteria would ensue (Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies, rivers and seas boiling, earthquakes, volcanos, dogs and cats living together etc.)

On a more positive note, maybe the Stay Puffed Marshmallow man will wreak havoc on bin laden and his silly little gang.

Move (expletive), get out the way.

Just like VX gas, Segways(Check this lady out) are one of those things I wish humans could disinvent. Really? What's the point? If you're going to be standing, why not just walk?

Its almost as bad as getting stuck behind that person who just stands on the down escalator. Apparently the energy it would take to walk DOWN some stairs is just too taxing on their aerobic system.

If you're too lazy to walk from "A" to "B" (or "A" to Burger King) invest in a Hoveround or better yet, one of these.

Chemical agents and Segways are both annoying. If said gases and Segways were disinvented perhaps I wouldn't have to haul my Millenium Mask with me every time I work. Furthermore, perhaps American's could put a dent in the obesity epidemic and save billions of dollars in healthcare. More on this later.

Get your Segway out of the bike lane, and off the lake path.

If you're going to drive your individual motorized gizmo on the streets, at least help out the less fortunate guy who has no motor attached to his wheels, such as this upstanding citizen on the 1400 block of N. Orleans. Thanks to Nick Cage saving the world, such kindness still exists.